Easter break just ended (photos are on FB) and it's back to school. I guess I wasn't that nervous about school since mid-terms were over before the break. But I didn't think it'd be so hard to get over bad results. Since tertiary education started for me (poly and uni), I've been doing well in school. Honestly, I've never done so well in all my years of education before. Secondary school was all about just passing exams, netball and student council. My netball teacher even had to speak to me about doing better with my studies or I'd be taken off the school team. So when I started to do really well in tertiary education, I forgot how to deal with poor results.
I'd always tell people to be thankful whether their results were good or bad. But I guess I forgot how hard it is to be thankful for bad results. Okay, my bad isn't the just pass kind. I did get credits for most of the exams (the grades are as such: fail, pass, credit, distinction), so I guess it's actually okay lah. Oh, I actually did fail an assignment, got like 5.5 out of 15 marks. Anyway, because I've been doing so well for the past 5 years, I had really high expectations of myself to do well (like at least distinctions) or maybe I'm just proud or over-confident...
So for the past few days, I've been struggling to really be thankful. But I thank God cause He brings me peace and comfort that no one else can. There was girls group (the girls come together before OCF to share, pray, encourage and keep each other accountable) before the results came out and a sister-in-Christ shared with us Romans 1:18-25. This passage speaks of idols and how it turns us away from Christ. She challenged us to identify our idols and share with each other. I knew that my idol was success. I've been doing well for a while - school, student org, church, work... I wanted to constantly do well and I think I've been giving all the glory for my successes to myself and not to the One who has been with me through all the struggles along the way and who has given me the ability to achieve all my successes. Romans 1:21 says, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened." I think I've become like the romans - although I know God, my successes have become my idol. And when things don't turn out the way I want them to (results), my world seems to be crashing down on me. But actually no... Life still goes on. And my God remains the same faithful and loving God, the same God who carries me through it all, the only One who brings me true comfort and peace that I need to carry on. So yeah, I'm still struggling and learning, but day by day, I know that I'll get back on my feet and truly be thankful for my results. Each day I'm reminded of this lesson that I've learnt to be thankful in BOTH GOOD AND BAD TIMES. And I really thank God for His perfect timing in teaching me this, even before my results came out. He knew that I'd be struggling with it. But I guess it's becoming easier to be thankful in bad times and to trust that God has all of my life in His perfect perfect plan.
I'll be starting practicum (teaching attachment) next Monday for 3 weeks. Pray for me as I begin another phase of postgrad education, that I will be humble to learn from the teachers and children in the school. Pray for good health, I've been coughing quite a bit the past week. Pray for love and patience for the children.
I'll also be starting to serve in OCF and in church. Pray for humility and open hearts as I serve God and His people. I'll be helping with the playgroup ministry on Fridays (not sure how things would work out since I have attachment). This is a ministry for pre-believing caregivers and their toddlers. I really pray that I'll be able to use my skills in early childhood to reach out to the toddlers and their caregivers with Christ's love and the Gospel.
And of course, pray for me that I'll turn my focus on God and not on my own successes. Pray that I will be thankful in every circumstance in my life, especially with my results.
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